Accountability: 6 Questions to Change A Life

After you have decided to get an accountability partner, or you have decided to be one the next question is, “What questions should I ask?” 

I am going to recommend 6 simple questions to ask every time you meet.  Of course you can add questions specific to your issues, or adjust the “free from ____” to meet your need.  Again these are going to be focused on the issue of pornography, but can be adapted as needed.

Question 1: Where you connecting with God in the last week?

This is the most important question, and thus it is the first!  Why don’t we start with how did you do since last time? Or even “Did you mess up?”  Simply because this is more important!  It is in the relationship with the forgiving Jesus that we will find the reason, and the strength to really break free.  It is essential that accountability looks closely at this relationship!  

Our relationship with Jesus ebbs and flows, just like every other relationship.  Even if we wanted to we cannot live on the mountain top where we feel his love very clearly.  The Bible guarantees that there will be times in the valley!  It is in these valley times that we most need the help and encouragement of our accountability partner! 

This question also helps accountability not only live in the past, but look forward!  Feeling distant this past week?  Then you can plan on increased temptation next week!

Question 2: If yes in question 1, how? In other words, how did you enjoy God this week? Reading? Prayer? Worship? Fellowship? Other?  If not, why?

Dive deeply into your relationship with Jesus!  Talk about your experiences with the Holy Spirit!  If you are feeling the distance talk about how that can and will change in the week to come! This is the real “meat” of your accountability time together!  And yes, we haven’t even got to “checking in” yet! 

Question 3: Were you free from pornography since last meeting?

I love that the “right” answer here is stated in the positive!  I know it is a subtle thing but I think it makes a difference!  Of course if the answer is no, then it is important to explore how pornography got in and what can be done to close that avenue of attack in the future.

Question 4: Were you free from self-gratification since last meeting?

I don’t want to get into the debate over the Biblical stance on masturbation here, but I think this is a very important question for anyone wrestling with pornography or sexual addictions.  Alcoholics don’t have a sip of wine, and people wrestling with sexual addiction shouldn’t masturbate.  It just leads down a slippery slope, regardless of your specific spiritual, personal, or Biblical opinions on the matter.

Question 5: How did you experience temptation since last meeting?

Notice this is not “have you experienced temptation” it is how!  Why?  For two reasons: 

First, we are told in 1 Corinthians 10:13 to expect temptation.  Christian’s are not immune to temptation, and we clearly see demonstrated throughout the Bible that temptation is not sin. 

Second, this question cuts through the “everything was great” attitude that often starts out accountability relationships.  Once partners get used to hearing about times of temptation, it will be easier to admit when and if there is a fall.

Question 6: How did you experience God’s escape plan in that temptation?

Along with the rather depressing news in 1 Corinthians 10:13 that we will experience temptation God made a promise!  He promised to “make the way of escape” apparent.  This is a promise from God and in my experience he always keeps his promises!  As you talk together you will learn to spot these “escape routes” during times of temptation.  These can be simply awesome stories of God’s faithfulness!  It isn’t everyday that we get to see a miracle happen right before our eyes, but in these little escape routes we do!  For more on this topic visit “God’s Exit Ramp”

That’s it!  6 questions that can literally change a life!   Try them out!  Do you have any adaptation?  Any other questions that you would recommend added?  Let us know in the comments!

Screaming Sleep

Today I’m continuing our series about sleep.  Check out the start of the series Catching the Illusive Z, and part 1 of kids and sleep with my post about nightmares Helping Jr. Catch Zzzz.

Today for part 2 of kids and sleep I will try to help those parents who have experienced the terrifying shrill cry of a child with a night terror.   First off let’s review what night terrors are.

What:  Night terrors are quite different then nightmares, in a night terror a child will usually cry out, screaming in panic.  When you get to them they will be breathing fast and maybe even sweating.  Their eyes will be open and their pupils may be dilated, (black of their eyes is larger than normal) and their hearts might be racing.  They might stay in bed, or they might start sleep walking in their panic.  Even while screaming and in an apparent panic the child is usually still asleep.  Yes they will be asleep while you will be startled wide awake! 

When:  Nightmares occur during the REM stage of sleep when dreams are active, on the other hand Night Terrors occur during stage 4 sleep.  This is the deepest sleep and will occur after 90 minutes of sleep and again at 2 or 2 1/2 hours of sleep. 

Why:  The exact causes of night terrors are unknown, but there are several factors that can contribute.

§  Stress

§  Being over tired

§  Change in routine or sleep schedule

§  Eating too much before bed

§  Some medications

None of these factors will actually cause the night terror but they seem to add to the likelihood of one occurring.

What to do:  If your child has a night terror the first thing to remember is that they are still asleep and will most likely not even remember this event the next morning.   Yes they just screamed out in panic but they are perfectly fine.   If they have stopped the panic by the time you get to them, then just let them continue sleeping and focus on reducing your own heart rate to help you get back to sleep too. 

If, on the other hand they are still screaming or panicked when you get to their bedside you have several options.

§  It is perfectly safe to wake someone having a night terror, just be gentle.

§  Don’t scream or yell at them, it will only serve to increase the panic even if you wake them in the process.

§  If they let you, you can just give them a hug and hold them for a moment while they settle, even without waking them if possible.

§  Don’t try to force physical contact if they don’t want it. 

§  Reassure them everything is OK and agree with with what they are saying, even if it doesn’t really make since. 

Remember night terrors are much more frightening for you the parent then they are for your child!

What if they continue?  An episode of night terrors does not signify anything is wrong with the child!  But they can be very disturbing to parents and the rest of the house.  If night terrors are just too frequent in your home and you feel you need to do something to stop the pattern then it is time to think about what you can do to prevent them and return peace to your night.  

§  Do your best to keep a sleep routine, keeping the same bed time every night

§  Take a closer look at the contributing factors above; is there anything you can do to avoid them?

§  As a last resort some Doctor’s will recommend waking your child exactly 90 minutes after they have fallen asleep.  This disruption to their sleep can often prevent the normal sleep cycle from occurring and help them jump right over stage 4 sleep.  

For more information check out this great site on Night Terrors.