a follow up to our award winning post "Catching the Illusive Zzzzz's", just don't ask who gave the award...
Sleep and kids, While these two things seem like they should go together like peas and carrots, for some families it feels easier to accomplish world peace then to get their child to sleep peacefully in their own bed through the whole night!
Sleep is important for everyone and it is simply vital for children! There are many times where other issues like poor attention, irritability, depression, and even behavioral problems can be related, if not directly caused by inadequate sleep! I know I am probably preaching to the choir here, we all know how important sleep is, the problem is convincing our children that it is important. There are three sleep related issues that we hear about most from parents “my child will only sleep in my bed”, “my child is having nightmares” or “he/she wakes up screaming!” . Today I’ll try to define the difference between the last two comments and tackle how to help a child wrestling with nightmares. I won't really tackle them, that probably wouldn't help, I'll just hopefully give you a few ideas.... In the next post, Screaming Sleep I will address the issue of night terrors and then in the last post of the series I will try to shed some light on the very challenging issue of getting a child to go to sleep and stay sleeping in their own bed!
Nightmares and Night Terrors:
Not all nightmares are the same. There are two distinctly different types of “nightmares”. While both are common what you do about them is quit different.
Not all nightmares are the same. There are two distinctly different types of “nightmares”. While both are common what you do about them is quit different.
Nightmares: nightmares happen to most kids at some point in their development. Some children are more bothered then others and sometimes they can have an impact on a child's long term sleep pattern. Usually nightmares occur early in the morning, only a few hours before waking. Your little one will probably wake up and come to you bedside for comfort. When they do wake up from a nightmare they can usually they can tell you at least vague details about their dream and why it was scary.
Night Terrors: night terrors are quite different then nightmares, in a night terror the child will usually cry out, screaming in panic. When you get to them they will be breathing fast, and maybe even sweating. Their pupils may be dilated, (black of their eyes is larger than normal) and their hearts might be racing. This will usually occur during the deepest part of their sleep, usually within 2 or 3 hours after the child went to sleep. Even while screaming and in an apparent panic the child might still be asleep. Yes they will be blissfully asleep while you will be startled wide awake! If awakened kids with night terrors are confused, they don’t answer questions well, and almost always don’t remember what happened.
Nightmares are scary for kids… Night terrors are terrifying for parents!
Part 1: What do parents do about nightmares?
If your child is having nightmares you want to think comfort. They are feeling the fear of whatever they were dreaming about and need reassurance they are safe. The temptation for sleepy parents is to drag them into bed with you and give them the warmth and comfort they are seeking in your bed. Unfortunately, this can lead to the other common problem of getting a child to stay in their bed all night! So resist the urge! I know you are tired but your getting up tonight will save you countless sleepless nights in the future! Step One: When your adorable and scared little one comes to your room, lovingly walk them back to their bed. Tuck them in, and then spend a few minutes talking to them. The first question parents always ask their child, myself included here, is “what were you dreaming about?” While you can ask this, don’t dwell on this subject at 4:00 am. Your goal is to get them (and you) back to sleep as quickly as possible and your little one was just scared, talking about what made them scared is not exactly going to lead them to peaceful slumber again! Your goal should be to reassure them that they are safe. Just tucking them in, praying with them, rubbing their back for a minute, and whispering “I love you” goes a long long way to help them feel safe! This is all you need to do at first. If after two or three minutes of this, they have not entered the groggy ready to fall asleep again phase then move to step 2.
Step Two is to help them direct their thoughts and guide them to think on things that will bring about good feelings. One of the gifts of childhood is the gift of imagination. Kids will often want to think about some of their favorite things, knights guarding the tower, ponys riding rainbows or whatever they are into at the moment. These fantasy thoughts can work for some children but for others they simply are not concrete enough. If the normal fantasy thinking doesn't work help them direct their thoughts to a real, fun, positive event. A time and place they can remember where they felt safe, happy, and loved. If nightmares are a common theme for your child you will want to take some awake time with your little one to make a list of these times and events so they are at the tip of your fingertips when you need them at 4 am! If step one and two are not working then it is time to pull out the big guns.... Ok guns might not work but its an idea...
Step Three: Nightmares are pliable. All dreams, even the scary ones are simply our brains working on filing while you are not using it. Sometimes a memory, thought, tv show, or some bit of information from the day can be recreated in this filing process and turns into a nightmare. That's it. You can help your child to understand that the nightmare they had is in their heads and it is not following a script that is already written. They are the actor, director, and even script writer of this particular movie! While this technique works best for children with vivid imaginations all children can grasp this idea. During the day have you child tell you the story of one of their nightmares. Then at the scary part, help them to rewrite the script. Ask them what they would like to do to avoid being scared: fly away like superman, blast the monster into smithereens, grow to gigantic size and stomp the scary away, or whatever their little brains come up with. Help them to make this new ending real! Have them draw it in a picture, journal it, or re-tell it to their siblings. The more vivid you can help them make this new ending, the more likely it will show up the next night in their now fun dream rather then terrifying nightmare.
Ok, so are you worried nightmares could be something more??? Here is what to watch out for:
If the nightmares are effecting their day as well as their sleep- If the nightmares is the same over and over again for several months
- If you or your family have just gone through a major life change (move, death, separation...)
- If you see other symptoms of anxiety in your child that are interfering with their day
Is there something else that has worked for your kids? Let us know in the comments!
Read #2 in the series on Kids and Sleep: Screaming Sleep
No comments:
Post a Comment